Everyone, at least once in their lives, have experienced getting into a relationship. When you are in a healthy relationship, both people support each other, sharing the good times and helping or supporting each other through the not so good times. When someone matters deeply to you, and those feelings of love, loyalty, trust, and respect are given in return, it allows us to conquer the world with confidence. Building and sustaining a healthy relationship requires commitment from both parties to make their partnership thrive. It’s sincerely worth every effort. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you feel good about your husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend. You also feel good about who you are inside and out.
The unfortunate part, not every relationship will thrive no matter how hard we try or want it to work. When violence is introduced into a relationship, the relationship can go from zero to one hundred real quick in the wrong direction. Violence in a relationship can make it physically and emotionally dangerous. Abuse can be financial, verbal, emotional/mental, sexual, spiritual, and/or physical. Physical abuse can include but not limited to slapping, hitting, kicking, or choking/strangling. These acts can happen in both romantic relationships or friendships. Emotional abuse can be bullying, humiliating someone, insulting someone, or teasing. These acts can be difficult to identify because they don’t leave any scars that can be seen with the naked eye. Being threatened, degraded, intimidated, or betrayed are all forms of emotional abuse. This type of abuse can hurt very deeply. Sometimes this kind of abuse can hurt not only while it is happening but it can also have a lasting effect.
In some cases, abusive relationships can be easy to identify and in other cases the abuse may be subtle. An abusive relationship has a major imbalance in power. The abuser controls or attempts to control every aspect of their victim’s life. Although abusers appear to be confident, powerful, or self-sufficient they depend highly on their spouse or partner for their sense of security and self-esteem. Abusers believe their spouse or partner should take care of responsibilities and daily tasks that most adults take care of themselves.
Abusers feel powerless in a bigger world such as their job or anything that takes place outside of the home. The relationship may be the only place where the abuse feels a sense of power and control. Attacking their partner’s sense of self-worth or strengths is a way that abusive people keep a feeling of power, control, and self-esteem. Deep down inside on an emotional level, an abuser thinks they are not good enough and fear being rejected or abandoned by their spouse or partner. As a result of this fear, an abuser will keep their partner in a constant state of fear and create and environment of dependency to ensure their victim/partner does not leave them.
If you are in a relationship like this, there are some steps you can take to cope with being in an abusive relationship. One classic tactic of an abuser is to isolate their spouse or partner. One way to counteract this is to avoid isolation by maintaining relationships with friends and family members. Seek out someone you can confide in if you suspect you are being abused by your spouse or partner. Take time to learn about resources available to people in abusive relationships. Identify ahead of time your local women’s shelter for women of domestic violence. If your spouse or partner becomes physically violent or threatening, you’ll have a safe place you can go.
Read self-help books about self-esteem, domestic violence, abuse, healthy relationships, and unhealthy relationships. Don’t be ashamed to seek therapy or counseling from a professional. It’s okay to talk to someone to help you sort through the issues that may be keeping you stuck in your abusive relationship.Start the process of developing a support system of people who love and care about you. This support system is vital, if you choose to leave your abusive relationship, you will not be alone.
Let’s be clear, abuse has no place in love. If someone has made you feel inadequate, worthless, fearful, or meaningless then it just might be time for you to start planning your escape. Studies have proven that people in healthy relationships are happier and experience less stress than people who are being abused in a relationship. Abusive and violent behavior is unacceptable in any kind of relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother, spouse, partner, friend, co-worker, or boss. If you know you are being abused, you have to Speak Up and Get Out safely! Seek help so you can Survive & Thrive!
Dr. Tamika Anderson is an author, speaker, and Founder of the Speak up & Get out Movement. Dr. Tamika is a survivor of 20 years of Domestic Violence and Abuse. Inspired by her own Domestic Violence experience, Dr. Tamika’s work aims to empower women and survivors of domestic violence through speaking, coaching, and mentoring. Dr. Tamika’s dedication to helping women inspired her to write the #1 International Best-Selling book, Speak Up & Get Out: A Guide to Survive & Thrive from the Devastation of Domestic Violence.
To learn more please visit: www.TamikaAnderson.com/Media
***If you or someone you know if being abused, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)***